At the beginning of the year my prayer was “Lord refine my character”. I knew I wanted to change my character and wanted a change in my life and for God to take control. However, what I did not know was that through this prayer the Lord would reveal to me who I really am, not who I thought I was. God has taken me down a road of self-discovery ever since. I was going through so many storms in the space of 4 months I just could not take it anymore and I wanted it to stop. As I was thinking and asking the Lord, “Why would You do these things to me?” it hit me – I had prayed “Lord refine my character”. In addition, I realised that it was from this day that my crazy ordeals had started. It was only through the storms that God could show me what He does not like in me, and that which He wants to change in me. What I am learning through this journey is that all of us struggle with our characters and knowing who we really are. Most of us have different suits that we put on for the world to see:
- We have the suit we wear for church – we put on the suit of religion, and we love to be called a spiritual person when we are not, to a point where church does not become an experience with God but is more of a show for people.
- A suit we wear for work – to feel powerful and get some sort of significance and value.
- Then there is the real suit as I may call it, which is when you are by yourself and you take off all the other suits (if you even dare) and the real monster of who you really are confronts you.
Underneath all these suits, all we really have is a heart problem. Because we do not deal with our characters, we are torn apart on the inside but outside we have the greatest suits. All I know is that we do not have a heart like Christ. When we have problems we do not solve them the way Christ would solve them; we solve them the way the world would solve them, and that is a heart problem. We do not love and communicate the way Jesus does. How I know this is, because if Jesus had a problem with someone He would confront the person in love, but we find it ok to go behind the person’s back and talk about them – heart problem. In the past few months, what I have learnt and what God is still teaching me, is that if I do not conquer what is in me it spills over to the people around me. If I am torn apart on the inside, I can never have healthy relationships with the people around me because broken people can only break other people. I know each day He is changing me into the person that He wants me to be. I do not want to look incredible on the outside and completely torn on the inside. God looks at a man’s heart and not at his outward appearance. Because I live for Christ and everything is about Him, I am concerned about what He thinks about my character. I still pray Lord refine my character because my character is nowhere close to being like His. With love, Bridget Gwanzura What suits are you putting on?
Bridget Gwanzura is a young lady who is in love with her Saviour Jesus Christ and is passionate about meeting the needs of those that are less fortunate than most of us. Her dream is to one day open a number of homes for underpriviledged children.