Guest Post: 27 Years Single by Rumbi Dube

Businesswoman resting chin on hand, looking out window, side view
Photo Cred: Majic 102

I recently turned 27. In those 27 years of being on this earth, I’ve never had a boyfriend.

Sure, I’ve kissed a couple of guys, been in undefined and defunct situations with a few boys which left me confused, frustrated, heartbroken and stressed out trying to figure out what it was or wasn’t or  would become. None of those situations ever materialised into anything. For the most part, I am grateful they didn’t.

A lot of people have expressed shock at the thought of me not having a boyfriend let alone, never having dated. How could someone so beautiful, stylish, current and cool (and I say this to show some of the questions I have been asked and share just how crazy it seemed that I was single) seriously not have a boyfriend? They’re not alone. For a long time – and I’m talking 26 out of them 27 years, I was left puzzled and confused. What was wrong with me? Why have I never been in a relationship? Would I ever find true love?

The fact that I had never obtained that one title of girlfriend had left me feeling like I had failed at life as a girl/woman. I have, for many years, felt less of a woman because I never had a man. The presumption that I am dating by many people is probably what has made it take so long for me to come to terms with the fact that it’s OK that I haven’t been in a relationship. Keeping up appearances is a real thing. I didn’t want to kill my street cred.

I have cried many nights and penned many entries into my diary as I allowed this seemingly lack of a title to torment me. I can honestly say that it has been the battle of my life.

Instead of cherishing that I am still whole and untainted by a man, I dismissed this on how seemingly worthless it made me. Something my sister always says to me is that I should be proud of that. She believes that when I do find the man who will endow me with the title of ‘girlfriend’, it’s going to be one for the books.

I don’t know about that, but what I do know is this. I haven’t got this all figured out, but I am starting to embrace myself and my story. I am learning to embrace my talents, my whit, my quirkiness, my fiercely loyal nature, my opinions, my interests and all the other things that are the make-up of me.

Most importantly, I am having a lot of frank talks with my Creator as we grapple with me and how He is working in me. I am coming to grips with His unconditional love for me and that He is calling me to a higher purpose. I am getting to know Him and me. I am getting to understand what love is about. I am realising the qualities I desire in my future partner and the areas I need to work on in order to be the best partner I can be.

Do I still get lonely, of course. It’s only natural to feel that way sometimes. But my sole purpose is not to find a man to preoccupy me. I have no clue as to what my journey going forward holds or when I will meet my mister man, but healing and growing are definitely at the top of my priorities.

With love,

Rumbi

Rumbi Dee

Rumbidzayi is a creative, independent and genuine soul and happens to be my baby sister as well. She is passionate about the creative process a la Mad Men and is in love with her personal Saviour Jesus Christ. She resides in Johannesburg and enjoys being uniquely herself in all she does. Rumbi also has a great blog that you can check out at http://www.rumbidzayiishe.com.

Do you have any experiences to share with us about your single journey? Can you relate to Rumbi’s experience or is your story different? We’d love to hear your story!

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13 thoughts on “Guest Post: 27 Years Single by Rumbi Dube

  1. Rumbi
    That was sincere, vulnerable, witty and a beautifully expressed as you. Being single is a profound stage in life. Embrace it with all it’s light, loneliness at times and the freedom it brings. Whilst you can account to ‘You’, make the most of it. ‘he’ will find you on your fabulous life journey as you continue to seek ‘HE’ upstairs! belated happy 27th b-day. all my 💖
    2li

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awww, Thulz. Thank you ma’am and I will take your words of advice to heart. I am definitely learning to embrace this time, enjoy it and celebrate it. Thank you too for the birthday wishes. Much love! xo

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  2. Could this be why you’re always smiling when all others have their ups and downs? I wonder how the story ends…I hope with romantic scenes on the pages of love. 🙂

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  3. Hi Rumbi!
    Love the post!!!
    I see so much genuinity and depth in what you have just shared.
    It’s so inspiring too because people tend to place so much worth in whether we are single or in relationships rather than pointing us to the bigger picture- living for the Creator who gives us these blessings such as singleness.
    I believe the time of singleness is a precious time with its lessons for us all, how we learn to grow in intimacy with Christ individually which noone can take from you! Praying for you and thank you for sharing your story. God bless!

    Like

    1. Thank you so much for those kind words. I am only reading them now but I truly appreciate and receive them. You are so right. My prayer is that more of us would realise it and not place our worth on a title endowed to us by others. God bless you too.

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