Marriage Is Lonely by Hlano

marriage is lonely
Photo Cred: Pinterest

In the run up leading to your wedding I’m sure you received a ton of marriage advice. Some of it solicited, most of it unsolicited. And I’m sure in the many words of wisdom, quotes and tit bits that you’ve received, you’ve heard people say, “What goes on in your marriage is between you and your husband. Don’t involve your friends. Don’t involve your family….”

 

This piece of advice although valuable can also be extremely damaging to you as an individual. The first few months / years of marriage are an extremely confusing time. A period I like to call the teething stage.

 

A period when half the time you don’t know if you’re doing things right or wrong. A time when you actually need advice from people who’ve travelled the road before.

 

But I find myself being silent.

 

Silent in my emotion. Silent in my frustration. Just silent.

 

“Loneliness does not come from being alone, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you.” – Unknown

 

That one piece of advice – what happens in your marriage is between you and your husband – can make marriage an extremely lonely affair.

 

I find myself a lot of the time, during an argument with my husband, feeling helpless because I do not know where I can turn to. Who can I call? Where can I vent? Where is my safe place?

 

Marriage is lonely. People don’t tell you that. People don’t explain that to you.

 

Now don’t get me wrong. Yes, I love my husband. Yes, I am committed to my husband and making it work. But in the midst of that happily ever after is reality. The reality of who you have married and the reality of tension you experience in trying to build a healthy life together.

 

marriage is lonely 2
Photo Cred: Pinterest

“There are some things you can only learn in a storm.” – Unknown

 

And the period – where the two of you are finding your feet, testing out your new roles, figuring out who you are in this new season of your life – is extremely stressful, confusing and emotionally draining.

 

So how do you deal with this strange feeling of loneliness?? You deal with it by being completely honest with yourself. Be honest. Feel the emotion. Write it down. Engage with it. And drill down into yourself.

 

I find that being honest eliminates it. Being honest eliminates the imaginary wall that being silent builds around you.

 

When my family or single friends ask me “How’s married life?”, I’m honest: “It’s different” , “It’s an adjustment”, “We’re teething”. You can be honest without giving away the personal details of your marriage and home.

 

marriage is lonely 3
Photo Cred: Black Bride Online

“Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.” – Thomas Jefferson

 

Marriage is a beautiful mystery. There’s no formula to it and every couple is unique. What works for them may or may not work for us. But in order to figure out what works for you and your spouse, you have to be honest with yourself.

 

If you can’t be honest with yourself, then you can’t be honest with your spouse. And if you can’t be honest with yourself, you’re building a castle of silence and loneliness around you.


 

Hlano is a newly-wed young woman who is honest, vulnerable and strong. Her desire is that people begin to share the realities of marriage so that others get into it with an understanding of the great and not-so-great aspects that they will encounter.

Let us know what you think about Hlano’s experience in marriage. Have you had a similar situation? Is your experience different? What further counsel would you give to someone in Hlano’s situation? Let’s grow and learn together.

 

Before you go sis! Below I share brief insight into what you can expect from us this month!

 

Author: Sonia Dube

Sonia is a young black African woman (bAw) wholly in love with Jesus Christ and trying to make a difference in this world with and for Him. She is a daughter, sister, friend, colleague, confidant, cheerleader and a Life Coach (amongst other things).

10 thoughts

  1. Thanks for sharing Hlano. While premarital counseling is very important to help one prepare for marriage, I think the real work begins once the two of your are married. Like anything we love, it is worth to continue investing in yourself and the marriage.

    I have been blessed by attending DAUGHTERS OF SARAH (DAS) monthly marriage seminars. These are older women, who have taken it upon themselves to invest in other women, to help save the marriage union from divorce. You can check their calendar on Face Book.

    Titus 2:3-5 King James Version (KJV)
    ..the aged women likewise,……..that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you Hlano, a beuatiful and very honest piece. There are many times you are looking for somewhere to vent or release but are stuck on who to turn too without violating the privacy of your marriage. I found online christian chat groups very useful. Anonymus and you leave with good advice on the best way forward.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I truly enjoyed this article. As I read it I felt the raw emotion of truth and love in its words. Although I am not married nor in a relationship, I take comfort in knowing that marriage like other life experiences come with trial and error but also love and trust. It is a balancing act that both partners have to learn how to adjust to. It would be foolish to think you can make that adjustment without help. I am glad that your strength allowed you to express your truth in a safe and loving manner. Thank you for being an example to us all!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I so resonate with you Ayanna! I too am unmarried and single, and it was so encouraging to hear the truth about marriage from someone who has walked the path already. Our desire here at bAw is to offer safe platforms where we can learn and grow with each other. Thank you for reading sis.

      Like

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