I hope you’re still keeping well, safe and sane in this season amidst the pain riddling our world at present.
In a season where the news, social media, and timelines of friends and family are filled with the current #BlackLivesMatter dialogue, I am unable to fully engage.
Not because this is not a matter close to my heart, or the issues at hand don’t plague me, but precisely because I do care. Because I know that once I continuously open that small window, a long rabbit hole of despair, hopelessness and depression awaits me. I have learnt to monitor my content engagement intentionally; I have had to accept that I am not like others and it’s ok.
2020 has been about owning my story:
I feel more than most.
I care more than most.
I want to help a little too much.
I tend to do the most.
I’m gentler than most.
I hurt more easily and love more deeply than is deemed “appropriate”.
These qualities used to be the bane of my existence and left me feeling like I was “too much” in many ways. I would feel guilty for how I felt, and would hide myself a lot of the time – hide my opinions, thoughts, desires… I spent the majority of my life feeling misunderstood and I’ve come to realize it was because I misunderstood myself first.
This year, God saw it fit to slow down the movement of the world so that some of us could reflect in some way if we allowed it. In my case, I had to sit in the truth of who Sonia is and stop fighting it once and for all. I needed to embrace all of me unapologetically and realize that I am truly a gift to the world as I am – He makes no mistakes. Also that in order to best function in this world, I need to develop certain boundaries, mindsets and habits.
A couple of weeks ago, a dear friend of mine, Thandiwe, asked me to share my story on her YouTube channel. I was really touched by her request and how much she believes in my story.
Owning the fact that I am a recovering co-dependent and a gifted empath has been life-changing in this season. Below is the story I ended up sharing with her community; of how God has been leading me on a journey of healing and restoration in regards to my personality and temperament, amongst other things. I shared my story with her amazing tribe and met a beautiful army of women just like me. I couldn’t believe it and I was left in tears knowing I’m not the only one going through life with these traits. I wanted to share this story with you, our bAw tribe, as well because I know there’s someone who can relate and needs to hear this.
Sis, if you find you are a little different from the rest, this is for you. If you’ve been told that you’re “too sensitive”, this is for you. If you struggle with negative people and situations because they drain you, this is for you. If you find that you’re generally quieter in your approach to life (even though the world more readily encourages overt boldness and forcefulness), this is definitely for you.
You are not alone. There is a whole tribe of us and God is calling us to embrace our nature because He needs to use us in the world today. There is strength in our quiet gentleness, and we have a role to play just like any other temperament or personality.
In the above video, I share the journey He has taken me on to heal and more fully embrace my nature. I speak on the tools He has used to help me walk more clearly in who I am. I pray it encourages you too or someone you may know who embodies these qualities. Leave me a comment if you can relate to what I share – I would love to hear about your journey too.
As always, thank you for stopping by. I love you and I stay praying for you.
Sonia is the Founder of the black African woman movement, and unashamedly a lover of people. She believes that she has been put here to help others take the time to see themselves more clearly, in order to be the gift God intended for them to be in this world.
Sonia enjoys reading, writing, spending time with others, being in nature, listening, dancing, and discovering new music that makes her cells dance. She currently resides in Johannesburg, South Africa, and is originally from Zimbabwe.