Guest Post: 27 Years Single by Rumbi Dube
I recently turned 27. In those 27 years of being on this earth, I’ve never had a boyfriend.
Sure, I’ve kissed a couple of guys, been in undefined and defunct situations with a few boys which left me confused, frustrated, heartbroken and stressed out trying to figure out what it was or wasn’t or would become. None of those situations ever materialised into anything. For the most part, I am grateful they didn’t.
A lot of people have expressed shock at the thought of me not having a boyfriend let alone, never having dated. How could someone so beautiful, stylish, current and cool (and I say this to show some of the questions I have been asked and share just how crazy it seemed that I was single) seriously not have a boyfriend? They’re not alone. For a long time – and I’m talking 26 out of them 27 years, I was left puzzled and confused. What was wrong with me? Why have I never been in a relationship? Would I ever find true love?
The fact that I had never obtained that one title of girlfriend had left me feeling like I had failed at life as a girl/woman. I have, for many years, felt less of a woman because I never had a man. The presumption that I am dating by many people is probably what has made it take so long for me to come to terms with the fact that it’s OK that I haven’t been in a relationship. Keeping up appearances is a real thing. I didn’t want to kill my street cred.
I have cried many nights and penned many entries into my diary as I allowed this seemingly lack of a title to torment me. I can honestly say that it has been the battle of my life.
Instead of cherishing that I am still whole and untainted by a man, I dismissed this on how seemingly worthless it made me. Something my sister always says to me is that I should be proud of that. She believes that when I do find the man who will endow me with the title of ‘girlfriend’, it’s going to be one for the books.
I don’t know about that, but what I do know is this. I haven’t got this all figured out, but I am starting to embrace myself and my story. I am learning to embrace my talents, my whit, my quirkiness, my fiercely loyal nature, my opinions, my interests and all the other things that are the make-up of me.
Most importantly, I am having a lot of frank talks with my Creator as we grapple with me and how He is working in me. I am coming to grips with His unconditional love for me and that He is calling me to a higher purpose. I am getting to know Him and me. I am getting to understand what love is about. I am realising the qualities I desire in my future partner and the areas I need to work on in order to be the best partner I can be.
Do I still get lonely, of course. It’s only natural to feel that way sometimes. But my sole purpose is not to find a man to preoccupy me. I have no clue as to what my journey going forward holds or when I will meet my mister man, but healing and growing are definitely at the top of my priorities.
Rumbidzayi is a creative, independent and genuine soul and happens to be my baby sister as well. She is passionate about the creative process a la Mad Men and is in love with her personal Saviour Jesus Christ. She resides in Johannesburg and enjoys being uniquely herself in all she does. Rumbi also has a great blog that you can check out at www.rumbidzayiishe.com.
Do you have any experiences to share with us about your single journey? Can you relate to Rumbi’s experience or is your story different? We’d love to hear your story!