Guest Post: Why Your Life May Need To Fall Apart by Norma Mzizi

Light in Darkness
Photo Cred: From Up North Online

 

Becoming ‘Norma Natural‘ has been a difficult, lonely yet fulfilling process. I was exhausted one Sabbath evening and as I lay on my bed I tried to figure out what it was that had me so tired on a day I should be feeling rejuvenated. Didn’t the answer come pouring like an open tap…..I was busy – busy doing so much for everyone else around me.

 

I was coming from a toxic, abusive and stagnant relationship. In trying to find myself again I got lost in religion, not in Christ. I wanted to be the perfect friend, sister and maybe wife. I made sure I looked right and sounded right, tried to be politically correct, and held on! I healed from the abuse but opened up for serious corrosion spiritually.

 

I spent days perfecting a company that was not mine, feeling drained and unappreciated. Embraced so called friends who took my time, my clothes and even my sanity at times. Thank God I learnt just in time….

 

Come Fridays, I’d be preparing Sabbath lunch and working on whatever program I needed to present or planning this and that. Don’t get me wrong, my heart and mind where in it all, but I did not realise I was giving and not feeding myself in the process. I was not just seeing to everyone’s needs, I was giving them me. Giving them parts of myself that I could not carry on without. Like an oak tree my shade was large enough for everyone, but my roots were weak, tired, dying!

 

You have to die a few times
Photo Cred: Buzznick Online

 

Who are you Norma? Are you this friend that everyone is crying to? Are you “Mrs Girlfriend” but not wife? Are you a pillar without a foundation? What are you doing at church besides serving and keeping to rules and regulations? Who are you behind those perfect outfits and flawless makeup? Do you even like eating what you are told is right to eat? Guuuurl! Who art thou?

 

Unfortunately (or rather fortunately) it took a shattered, empty feeling to get me back on track. My life came to a screeching halt. Down and disappointed, alone and weak – my awakening began.  Now God could have His turn. Now I was ready for His will, His purpose, His blue print for me. No rules no religion, it was time to seek my true self and feed her right so I could genuinely be right to the next person.

 

I stopped doing church. Yes, doing. Because I was doing it and not growing in Christ. I was perfect to a standard that someone else set. A diet that someone else prescribed, a belief system that was do or die. For a few more weeks I held on, trying to figure out if I was losing my sanity or actually finding it.

 

God never allows pain
Photo Cred: Daily Scrolls Online

 

Eventually I cut my relaxed hair (a girl is about to change her life when she cuts her hair, come on somebody!). I remember the liberating feeling of standing in the shower with no fear of messing up a “hair do”. By the time I started putting on make-up I became rebellious. I had that “why should I?” moment. Anyway who says I’m not ravishing, drop dead gorgeous without it? This stuff stings and burns my eyes anyway! So much work and for what?! At that moment I realised I could go natural in every sense of the word.

 

I started researching on ways to get back to basics. I wanted to be true to me as an earth child and the spirit within. To listen to the reason why I loved walking bare feet on grass and listening to the sound of water; to feed that spirit that was so in touch with her nature but had strayed to foreign “truths”. Long story short, I found shea butter, coconut oil and black soap. Those were my first back to Eden cosmetics. Didn’t my skin and hair flourish!

 

I became so radical in my return to nature so much so that people asked me what I was on. I ate what I figured worked well with my blood type (Yes, I’m a meat eater y’all)! I devoured that fish and meat and got my sexy back either way. I learnt to listen to that inner voice, to listen to my body, to hear my inner being.

 

All the while many things were falling off: The need to impress was dying. I did what I could when I could. I even stopped going on unnecessary dates, where I knew these men were only interested in me making them look good. It was all but physical attraction.

 

They could not stomach that I was a single mother of two. I wasn’t good enough to take to Mum and Dad who expected him to bring home a virgin. What is sad is that these “godly” men are out here sleeping with us but they want to marry a virgin. Dating and relationships is a whole book on its own. Let me leave it right here.

God never uses anyone greatly until
Photo Cred: Lil Blue Boo Online

 

As I was saying, people became inquisitive of the new look and confident force driving me. I have a deep sense of connection now. I know who God says I am. I know I am a spirit having a human experience in a body of clay; this zulu girl, intombi yakoMzizi  umaJama kaZulu uMpinda kaVezi isalukazi esimabelebele esancelisa ingane ngaphesheya kolwandle! Umuzi ubiywa ngenhloko zamadoda, uzulu kalidumi libonakala ngezikhukhula zomfula, umphankomo enebele,  Jama kaNdaba, KaPhunga, kaMageba, kaNkosinkulu, kaZulu, kaNtombela, kaMalandela, kaLusulumane, kaGumede, kaMnguni waseMbo! Lilizela bo!!!

 

I started sharing my secret and giving products to people. When I realised I was getting a following I started selling the products and different remedies that I found. At times other people would bring their own things and ask me to blend them as they wanted that “Norma’s Touch” thing hence the birth of Norma’s touch organic treatments & lifestyle products! My motto today is “If you cannot eat it, then it should not be on your hair and skin.”

Your pain often reveals God's purpose
Photo Cred: i.pinimg.com

It took my hitting absolute rock bottom for God to get my attention and grow me into my purpose for being on this earth. We tend to feel as though God has forsaken us when we are faced with our darkest moments, and we forget that He creates best out of void and darkness (Genesis 1:2). If you’re going through a season of darkness, pain and uncertainty draw nearer to God. He is trying to birth something new in you.

Love and light,

Norma Mzizi

Norma

Norma is a young woman who is passionate about people living a natural and healthy lifestyle as God intended. She is full of humour and great compassion for her fellow man, and seeks to live authentically. You can find Norma and her amazing natural products on Facebook and Instagram.

 


 

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and as if everything in your life is literally falling apart, it is most probably because God is seeking to transform your life for the better. He is seeking to expose the gold within you so that you can live for Him and be a blessing to those around you. Don’t give up sis.

With love,

Sonia Dee

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The Hardest Thing About Being A Single Christian Woman

Single Christian Woman 2
Photo Cred: Space For Inspiration

For whatever reason, God has seen it fit that I bear the cross of singleness in my life. And over the more recent years, I have been fortunate to see the blessing in my singleness.

 

Ever since I was in my pre-teens I have dreamt of getting married. At one point I would walk around day-dreaming about being Nick Carter’s (former Backstreet Boys member) wifey and living a charmed life (Haha!). Marriage was the ultimate for me. It was one of my many idols, and from a young age.

 

So, God has had to take me through a process where He has kept me single to shift my mind-set around what is of ultimate importance in my life. It certainly is not marriage. I have come to appreciate the peace and true joy in embracing (and not fighting) the single season.

 

When you let go
Photo Cred: Instagram

 

Today, I was impressed to share the realities of being a single Christian woman. To share some of the things that make being single really tough for us in hopes that as a community of believers, we can better support our single Christian women.

 

Now, to all my single Christian sisters, I’m sure you’ve faced some awkward and sometimes annoying questions about your relationships status:

 

  • “Why are you still single?” – This question from people who read the same Bible as you and share the same beliefs you do, and so know that you know that you are the one to be pursued and not to pursue – so why would my single status be on me when I must be chased? And with the knowledge that everything happens in God’s time.

 

  • “Why are you so picky?” – Again, this question is asked as though you yourself do not sometimes wonder why you must have such high standards. Trust me, there are days where I have thought, “You know what? Who needs a God-fearing man anyway? As long as he goes to church I’m sure we’ll be alright.”

 

And the questions go on.

 

Surrender
Photo Cred: ProGood

 

The above questions (and those similar to them), I have learnt to brush away. I get that very few married men and women in the church truly get the circumstances of single Christians today. And I don’t even hold it against them because deep down they mean well.

 

But over the last couple of years, the one question or statement that has caused me my greatest struggle with being a single Christian woman is:

 

“You are such a beautiful young woman who clearly loves the Lord. How is it that a woman like you is still single?”

 

It’s similar to question number 1 above, except that it has added salt that rubs into the wound. It’s one thing to know that you are a single Christian woman who is seeking contentment and healing from past relationships/mistakes/mind-sets. You have no doubt that were you to enter a relationship now, it would go down – and not in a good way because you’re so broken.

 

The older I get
Photo Cred: Pinterest

 

But then, it is another thing to know the journey you have walked with God to receive healing from all that. You are still on the journey, yes, but now you can turn around and look back to see how far you have come with and through Him. It leaves you in tears knowing that you are not the same person you were years ago.

 

This question then suggests that there is something wrong because you are a prime candidate for marriage yet you remain alone. It can cause even the most grounded Christian woman to wonder, especially because it is a recurring question. It can threaten to undo all the work God has done in you up to this point.

 

From family, to friends, to colleagues and even strangers (yes! I’ve had people I’ve met for the first time say this to me), such a question is probably one of the hardest things to carry as a single Christian woman. And more so because it is a question that you probably ask God in the crevices of your heart before anyone else voices it.

 

God I'm frustrated
Photo Cred: Immanuel Prayer Wheel Online

 

I’ve stopped dating for the sake of it. I’ve stopped watching movies that make me pine after men. I’ve dedicated my life to Jesus and I’m walking in His purpose for me. I literally seek to live a life of worship and my favourite pastime has become spending time in God’s word. I’ve finally laid down that idol of marriage. Yet, this gnawing question that suggests I am doing something wrong consistently follows me.

 

This has been my greatest struggle family, and maybe some other young woman’s too. I feel as though I have gone through all the steps of struggling with singleness that a Christian woman can face and this one is the biggest sucker. And probably because of the context of the African culture we grow up and live in.

 

Yet, this very question I have taken to God in my darkest moments and asked it to Him – “Why God? Why have you allowed me, a woman so devoted to you to miss out on a desire YOU planted in me? Why have you allowed others who didn’t even care to go through all the groundwork to get married and have babies while I watch? Why?”

 

I ask such questions not because I believe I am better than any other woman or even understand their circumstances that led to their marriage etc, but because this is my reality. This is what I am grappling with today.

 

Free women vulnerable
Photo Cred: The Free Woman Online

 

What am I trying to say? I have learnt in the last couple of years that being transparent with God will get you through such hard moments. It doesn’t matter how long you have walked with Him or how much Bible you know or how long you’ve served in the church or how much you’ve grown content in your singleness – you are human and you will still battle with these tough and painful feelings/questions about your status. And that’s okay.

 

It just reminds you how much you desperately need God to do life. It reminds you of your humanity. It establishes and maintains the intimacy with your God. It builds trust with Him. John the Baptist understood this which is why he questioned Jesus on whether He really was the One who was to come or if they should wait for another (when he was locked up in prison and Christ was not trying to save him). Or why Christ cried out on the cross, “My God, My God! Why have you forsaken Me?”

 

See, we often like to jump to the part of our Bible heroes’ stories where they share such profound statements of faith and don’t doubt God’s goodness – definitely all things we should seek to fulfil. But we skip over all the messy, human parts of their experiences and in the process nullify our own experiences which causes us added heartache. Just like you, they went through doubts and depression and anxiety and fear. But the greatest of them expressed these to God.

 

You don't protect your heart...
Photo Cred: Pinterest

 

One of my favourite Bible characters, David, understood this so well which is why I believe he was called a man after God’s own heart. In Psalm 18:6 he says, “In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried out to my God; He heard my voice from His temple, and my cry came before Him, even to His ears.”

 

So sis, take the hardest questions about your singleness to Christ and don’t deny them. In your quiet time, pour it all out to Him because He cares. He wants to know. And He has the anecdote that will take away your pain and replace it with joy and peace. He can show you where you need Him to enter and transform you even more when you’re this honest. I have personally experienced it.

 

And to all our married friends and family and colleagues who don’t quite get it yet, no this post is not an indication about how sad or bitter we are about our singleness. It’s just an education of our experiences so you can better support and encourage us. So you can be a little more sensitive about the questions you ask us, no matter how well-meaning. To those who are already doing that, please don’t stop. You have no idea what it does for us.

 

Thanks once again for reading. Let me know what’s been the hardest thing for YOU as a single Christian woman. Encourage another woman. And remember that God loves you more than you will ever understand.

 

With love,

Sonia Dee

 

Photo Cred:Worship  Gifs & Conexus Counselling

 

Before You Go Sis:

Would you like to be part of a community of black African women who are daily speaking and seeking healing for different aspects of their lives and returning to their true identity in Christ? Then join us on InstagramFacebook and Twitter to receive daily encouragements and connect with like-minded sisters!

 

Chat soon!