You’re Not The Only One by Larissa Subira

You're Not The Only ONe
Photo Cred: Inspiration DE Online

 

Growing up, I had no real concept of what depression or any kind of mental disorder was. I began having some understanding when I started to have panic attacks when I was 18 and in my final year of high school. These episodes were periodic, mainly around exam time.

 

I would have episodes now and again but funnily enough they intensified in my honours year. By appearances I had ‘less stress’ – barely had any exams to write – was getting the best grades in my varsity career – going to church every week – getting along with my siblings. I struggled to understand my inability to get it together, to control my mind and reactions.

 
At 22 I realised something had to be done. My panic attacks were happening more and more often. It was debilitating. I’d lose time trying to recover. So I went to campus health and sought counselling. I think my friends wondered why because I seemed to be doing alright. Force of habit that – I wasn’t one to really express my emotions. I had however reached a point where I wanted to move on.

 

Take your wounds to Christ
Photo Cred: Pinterest

 

I had counselling for 3 months – 7 years later I haven’t experienced a panic attack at all. Funny thing is life has definitely gotten more stressful – #adulting and all.

 

Let me be clear – I am by no means comparing my panic attacks to depression. What I am hoping rather is to demonstrate that any sort of challenge such as anxiety isn’t a reflection of how mentally weak or strong you are.

 

This weekend’s story of a 19 year old student committing suicide took me back to my 19 year old self. It demonstrated that young people are facing desperate challenges. In South Africa suicide is one of the leading causes of deaths in the 15-24 age group.

 

We are all broken final
Photo Cred: Crush Cul De Sac

 

I am not sure what that says about our society but it may partly have to do with the fact that beyond getting good grades, not getting pregnant or being on drugs, there is no further indication of how well you’re doing which is needed or required. Who’s to blame for this? Oh I’m not sure. In my humble view at all sectors of society, a lot of challenges are being confronted. So perhaps we all need to join hands.

 
Let’s do away with viewing depression as a testament to one’s lack of faith as is sometimes seen in our faith-based communities. It is at times viewed as a clear black and white issue, cause and effect.  And even when your depression is acknowledged there is an assumed timeline as to how long YOU should take to ‘get over it’.

 

My prayer is that we be kind with another and ourselves, more especially that we care more that our loved ones get healing. That life be less about outward achievements but more about one’s wellbeing. Lastly – for anyone experiencing depression to know that there’s NOTHING wrong with you and most importantly, you can get help. Whatever form your mental health challenges comes in doesn’t matter as long as you heal.

 

He heals the wounds
Photo Cred: Pktfuel Online

 

God doesn’t make mistakes; David beautifully encapsulated it in Psalms 139:13-14 – “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

 

Love,

Larissa

Larissa

Larissa is a regular contributor to the blog and a young woman who is passionate about the betterment of women in today’s society. She holds a Masters in Development Studies and is also a daughter of the Most High God seeking to live a purposeful life for Him.


 

Before you go sis:

  • Thank you so much for reading today’s post! If you are facing some challenges in terms of your mental health, please don’t remain silent as hard as it is to speak up. There are people willing to listen and help. Feel free to drop me a message or if you would like a referral to a psychologist, psychiatrist or support group, please do call the South African And Depression Anxiety Group (SADAG) on 011 234 4837 or 0800 20 50 26 and a trained counselor will assist you. Alternatively, you can email Zane at zane1@medport.co.za. We’re in this together.
  • We have a phenomenal Ladies Gala Dinner coming up in November if you’re in the Johannesburg area!! Please do book your tickets here by 27 October to avoid disappointment. Me and the team have been working tirelessly to ensure that this is an evening to remember! Can’t wait to spend time with you all 🙂

Wishing you a fantastic week ahead and do know I’m praying for you.

With love,

Sonia Dee

 

 

 

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Guest Post: I Was Hijacked By Lupus by Nompumelelo Simango

Shattered Glass
Photo Cred: Bloglovin’ Online

 

Imagine driving down a quiet suburb, with beautiful scenery, on a Sunday afternoon and then suddenly you are confronted by a couple of assailants; they smash your window, demand that you get out of your car with a gun pointed in your direction. Can you imagine how you would feel? The fear, the confusion, the shock and suddenly the world seems so much more different to what you had believed it to be.

 

Well, that’s exactly how I felt when I received the diagnosis on the 28th of August, 2013. For years, prior to the diagnosis, I woke up each morning with aching joints and muscles. I wondered what could possibly be the cause of the pain. I would visit my family doctor hoping that she would tell me something different but she would conduct numerous blood tests and find nothing.

 

Draw near to God
Photo Cred: Prayer Note Online

 

For years I lived with an illness whose name I didn’t know until a random swelling in the eye prompted my GP to refer me to an Ophthalmologist. He tested for a completely different element but, even then, when the results came back he assumed it was either one of these obvious two, HIV or an STD.

 

Then, when the HIV/STD results come back clear, he spoke of an Autoimmune Disease. When he said that, I was thinking; what in the world is that? Like how you would probably think, as the assailant approaches your car, is this happening to me? Right here, right now?

 

I was referred to a specialist to determine which of the Auto-immune diseases I may possibly be living with and that’s my story, that’s how I found out my body was hijacked by a chronic illness called Systematic Lupus Erythematosus or better known as Lupus.

 

His yoke is easy
Photo Cred: Pinterest

 

Most people have never heard of it. I, myself, only heard of it when Toni Braxton disclosed to her family in their Reality TV Show. So naturally, I was afraid, confused and shocked but I don’t think I experienced all these emotions at a scale higher than that of my parents. I recall the moment I tried to explain what Lupus is; I laugh today as I think back to that moment.

 

Being an African child makes the experience of living with an illness like Lupus completely unique in that there is not much awareness around the condition or any of the auto-immune diseases. In light of that, I was bombarded with numerous theories of what could possibly be wrong with me.

 

I was told that there is no such thing as an immune-system that is harmful to the body, I must just accept my “calling” as a Sangoma. I think the most bizarre of all the theories, bizarre because it came from the Christian community, was that it was a demon and I just needed to be delivered.



I simply cannot imagine where I would be right now if it weren’t for the fact that I have my own unique and personal relationship with God. It has kept me grounded but also, it has given me the will power to continue living.

 

Strength and Power
Photo Cred: Imgfave Online

 

Paul writes “…In order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” (2 Corinthians 12:7-9)

 

And so, 4 years ago, I was given a thorn in my flesh to keep me from becoming conceited. The moment I accepted that the grace of God is sufficient I began living in the power of Christ. Not afraid of death, not afraid of pain anymore, I love God even more fiercely now and whenever I have a flare up I turn to my body and speak to this “thorn”:

 

“Lupus, you live in my body. Play nice because if I die, you die too.”

 

In the African context, living with Lupus is an everyday challenge. We are either considered lazy, bewitched or have some sort of calling. To all the beautiful bAw’s living with Lupus, you are stronger than what you believe and what you are suffering from has a medical explanation; but God is still in the business of healing. Even in the face of all the biological facts; have faith that defies logic.

 

Victory Found in Jesus
Photo Cred: Pinterest

 

Love,

Nompumelelo Simango

Mpumi Pic

Mpumi is a gorgeous young woman who is passionate about God and spirituality. She is a middle child with an older brother and younger sister. Mpumi holds a degree in Political Science and currently works as a PA. She enjoys reading, writing, singing and outdoor activity. You can find Mpumi on Facebook or Instagram to get a glimpse of some of the inspiration she shares.


 

Thank you Mpumi for your vulnerability and testimony. God truly has been good to you and may He continue to be your strength and joy.

Thank you sisters for reading. If you would like to share your story, please don’t hesitate to drop us an email at theblackafricanwoman@gmail.com. Your story can set someone free and bring them healing.

I’m still praying for you.

With love,

Sonia Dee

Guest Post: Why Your Life May Need To Fall Apart by Norma Mzizi

Light in Darkness
Photo Cred: From Up North Online

 

Becoming ‘Norma Natural‘ has been a difficult, lonely yet fulfilling process. I was exhausted one Sabbath evening and as I lay on my bed I tried to figure out what it was that had me so tired on a day I should be feeling rejuvenated. Didn’t the answer come pouring like an open tap…..I was busy – busy doing so much for everyone else around me.

 

I was coming from a toxic, abusive and stagnant relationship. In trying to find myself again I got lost in religion, not in Christ. I wanted to be the perfect friend, sister and maybe wife. I made sure I looked right and sounded right, tried to be politically correct, and held on! I healed from the abuse but opened up for serious corrosion spiritually.

 

I spent days perfecting a company that was not mine, feeling drained and unappreciated. Embraced so called friends who took my time, my clothes and even my sanity at times. Thank God I learnt just in time….

 

Come Fridays, I’d be preparing Sabbath lunch and working on whatever program I needed to present or planning this and that. Don’t get me wrong, my heart and mind where in it all, but I did not realise I was giving and not feeding myself in the process. I was not just seeing to everyone’s needs, I was giving them me. Giving them parts of myself that I could not carry on without. Like an oak tree my shade was large enough for everyone, but my roots were weak, tired, dying!

 

You have to die a few times
Photo Cred: Buzznick Online

 

Who are you Norma? Are you this friend that everyone is crying to? Are you “Mrs Girlfriend” but not wife? Are you a pillar without a foundation? What are you doing at church besides serving and keeping to rules and regulations? Who are you behind those perfect outfits and flawless makeup? Do you even like eating what you are told is right to eat? Guuuurl! Who art thou?

 

Unfortunately (or rather fortunately) it took a shattered, empty feeling to get me back on track. My life came to a screeching halt. Down and disappointed, alone and weak – my awakening began.  Now God could have His turn. Now I was ready for His will, His purpose, His blue print for me. No rules no religion, it was time to seek my true self and feed her right so I could genuinely be right to the next person.

 

I stopped doing church. Yes, doing. Because I was doing it and not growing in Christ. I was perfect to a standard that someone else set. A diet that someone else prescribed, a belief system that was do or die. For a few more weeks I held on, trying to figure out if I was losing my sanity or actually finding it.

 

God never allows pain
Photo Cred: Daily Scrolls Online

 

Eventually I cut my relaxed hair (a girl is about to change her life when she cuts her hair, come on somebody!). I remember the liberating feeling of standing in the shower with no fear of messing up a “hair do”. By the time I started putting on make-up I became rebellious. I had that “why should I?” moment. Anyway who says I’m not ravishing, drop dead gorgeous without it? This stuff stings and burns my eyes anyway! So much work and for what?! At that moment I realised I could go natural in every sense of the word.

 

I started researching on ways to get back to basics. I wanted to be true to me as an earth child and the spirit within. To listen to the reason why I loved walking bare feet on grass and listening to the sound of water; to feed that spirit that was so in touch with her nature but had strayed to foreign “truths”. Long story short, I found shea butter, coconut oil and black soap. Those were my first back to Eden cosmetics. Didn’t my skin and hair flourish!

 

I became so radical in my return to nature so much so that people asked me what I was on. I ate what I figured worked well with my blood type (Yes, I’m a meat eater y’all)! I devoured that fish and meat and got my sexy back either way. I learnt to listen to that inner voice, to listen to my body, to hear my inner being.

 

All the while many things were falling off: The need to impress was dying. I did what I could when I could. I even stopped going on unnecessary dates, where I knew these men were only interested in me making them look good. It was all but physical attraction.

 

They could not stomach that I was a single mother of two. I wasn’t good enough to take to Mum and Dad who expected him to bring home a virgin. What is sad is that these “godly” men are out here sleeping with us but they want to marry a virgin. Dating and relationships is a whole book on its own. Let me leave it right here.

God never uses anyone greatly until
Photo Cred: Lil Blue Boo Online

 

As I was saying, people became inquisitive of the new look and confident force driving me. I have a deep sense of connection now. I know who God says I am. I know I am a spirit having a human experience in a body of clay; this zulu girl, intombi yakoMzizi  umaJama kaZulu uMpinda kaVezi isalukazi esimabelebele esancelisa ingane ngaphesheya kolwandle! Umuzi ubiywa ngenhloko zamadoda, uzulu kalidumi libonakala ngezikhukhula zomfula, umphankomo enebele,  Jama kaNdaba, KaPhunga, kaMageba, kaNkosinkulu, kaZulu, kaNtombela, kaMalandela, kaLusulumane, kaGumede, kaMnguni waseMbo! Lilizela bo!!!

 

I started sharing my secret and giving products to people. When I realised I was getting a following I started selling the products and different remedies that I found. At times other people would bring their own things and ask me to blend them as they wanted that “Norma’s Touch” thing hence the birth of Norma’s touch organic treatments & lifestyle products! My motto today is “If you cannot eat it, then it should not be on your hair and skin.”

Your pain often reveals God's purpose
Photo Cred: i.pinimg.com

It took my hitting absolute rock bottom for God to get my attention and grow me into my purpose for being on this earth. We tend to feel as though God has forsaken us when we are faced with our darkest moments, and we forget that He creates best out of void and darkness (Genesis 1:2). If you’re going through a season of darkness, pain and uncertainty draw nearer to God. He is trying to birth something new in you.

Love and light,

Norma Mzizi

Norma

Norma is a young woman who is passionate about people living a natural and healthy lifestyle as God intended. She is full of humour and great compassion for her fellow man, and seeks to live authentically. You can find Norma and her amazing natural products on Facebook and Instagram.

 


 

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and as if everything in your life is literally falling apart, it is most probably because God is seeking to transform your life for the better. He is seeking to expose the gold within you so that you can live for Him and be a blessing to those around you. Don’t give up sis.

With love,

Sonia Dee

Guest Post: The Most Harmful Ingredients in Shampoo for Naturals by Patrina

Harmful Shampoos
Photo Cred: Coisas De Diva

 

If you’re looking at the most harmful ingredients in shampoo, you should know that not all the ingredients on this list are detrimental to all people. Our natural hair requires different ingredients than the products available on the beauty supply shelf.

As we gain more knowledge about natural hair, we come to realize that many of the mainstream shampoos that millions of people use every day simply don’t work for us naturals.

In this post, you’ll find the most harmful ingredients in shampoos, specifically geared toward anyone who wants to maintain their beautiful curls.

 

Sulfates

 

Sulfates
Photo Cred: Waxine

The culprits are: Sodium Laureth Sulfate, Sodium Lauryl Sulfate, or Ammonium Laureth Sulfate. It’s heavily debated whether these ingredients are harmful to the body, but one thing is for sure: Sulfates strip natural hair of its moisture and luster, leaving it dry, brittle, and tangled.

Always choose shampoos that do not contain sulfates if you have natural hair. A product like Shea Moisture Coconut Hibiscus Curling Shampoo is an excellent choice because it doesn’t contain chemicals, and has ingredients that nourish kinky hair.

 

Mineral Oil and Other Petroleum-based Products

 

Greasy Products
Photo Cred: Derby City Naturals

Mineral Oil and other petroleum-based ingredients are tempting because they add a lot of shine. But what happens is that they coat the hair strand with oil that is impossible to penetrate. When you can’t get anything through to the hair shaft—including water—you’ll be left with dry hair underneath.

The only way to remove petroleum-based products is by using a harsh shampoo, usually one containing sulfates. Try shea butter instead. It will coat the strand, and leave your hair nourished instead of dry.

 

Fragrance

 

bottles of health and beauty products on white background
Photo Cred: Astroglide Online

Beauty companies are constantly trying to make their products smell good to consumers, but the way they’re doing it is sneaky. One innocent fragrance listing could contain anywhere from 1-100 chemicals within it.

Fragrance contains phthalates, which are esters of phthalic acid. Phthalates are linked to endocrine disruption, developmental and reproductive toxicity, and cancer, according to the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics.

To avoid fragrance, choose products that have essential oils listed for aroma. These will be far more beneficial to your hair and scalp, and they won’t be toxic.

 

Polyethylene Glycol (PEG)

 

Polyethylene Glycol
Photo Cred: Avacare Medical Online

This chemical serves to dissolve oil and grease and works as a thickening agent in shampoo. Stripping the scalp of its natural oils is never a good idea because it lowers the immune system and leaves the skin vulnerable to fungal and bacterial infections.

Natural hair thrives on moisture, so cleansing oils away from the hair can lead to dryness and breakage. Apple Cider Vinegar makes a gentler rinsing agent and will help remove product buildup without removing natural oils.

 

Silicones

 

Silicones
Photo Cred: Reef Cosmetics Online

Silicones usually come with the names Dimethicone, Cyclomethicone, Amodimethicone, or any other word with a “cone” in it. Silicones are good in theory because they soften hair, smooth down cuticles, and give hair the illusion of being shinier.

The problem is, they will prevent moisture from your sebum from penetrating the hair shaft, eventually leaving your hair dull and lifeless. Silicones may even lead to breakage. The only way to remove the ‘cones’ is by using a harsh sulfate shampoo. Combining sulfates and silicones will likely lead to further damage.

 

An easy way to avoid buying toxic, chemical-laden products is to scan the first five ingredients on the label. Are they all names you can pronounce? If not, place it back on the shelf. What’s the point in buying chemicals for your hair? Many beauty products are expensive, so you should get one that has the most helpful ingredients possible.

Kinky hair thrives on moisture. You might consider limiting the use of shampoo, and opting to do mostly co-washes.

If you’re in an area where you don’t have access to great natural hair products, try to find the ingredients and make DIY products in your kitchen instead.

Now it’s your turn to discuss. Have you found toxic ingredients in your regular shampoo? Which products and natural ingredients do you use instead?

 

Patrina Pic

Patrina is the founder of Naturalhairqueen.net; a blog to educate and inspire women with natural hair. Patrina just celebrated her 10-year natural hair anniversary, and achieved her goal of waist length hair. With the knowledge she has learned over the years she is dedicated to share her knowledge, and experience to educate women who wish to have moisturized, healthy natural long hair.

You can connect with Patrina on these social media platforms:

Website: www.Naturalhairqueen.net

Facebook: www.facebook.com/naturalhairqueensite/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/NatHairQueen

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nathairqueen/


 

Thank you Patrina for sharing your wisdom on how to best care for our natural hair.

Take care ladies, till next time!

With love,

Sonia Dee