Tools To Navigate The Love Trail by Rumbidzayi Dube
The month of love is coming to an end. Let’s be honest, as much everyone and their mama has the low-down on love, it’s not like all our problems are miraculously resolved. Even if they are, love is an ever-complicated thing and we encounter different issues as we go along.
So, with that in mind, here are a couple of go-to tools that we think might be useful to keep in your back pocket for future reference. At the end of the day, we want to plant and foster healthier, God-centred relationships that are rooted in Scripture.
There are a few god-fearing, public personas that provide useful insights into love and often share tools, sermons, tips and advice on love. Here are some of our faves.
Toure and Sarah Jakes Roberts
Toure Roberts and Sarah Jakes Roberts have been very transparent about their personal struggles in the love department. Both have experienced divorce and grappled with co-dependency, insecurities, and looking for love in the wrong places amongst other things. Through a process of complete surrender to God, they individually sought out their identity and purpose in Him and eventually found each other.
Toure Roberts and Sarah Jakes on Love, Purpose, Relationships & Destiny:
This February, the two conducted a Valentine’s Day special on ‘5 Keys for Before And After ‘I Do’’:
A couple of takeaways from that message for the singles include:
- Chemistry can happen with many different people. It doesn’t mean every one of them is for you. It is, however, important to have that with your partner – when something beyond the two of you is happening between you.
- God’s purpose for you should take precedence in your life, even more than your partner. However, your partner should aid you in your purpose.
- Wholeness in yourself is crucial before being joined to another.
- God needs to endorse your relationship and you must be willing to take your relationship through the necessary tests before marriage or life will test it at a later stage.
And for our married folk:
- Magnify the strengths that your partner possesses and minimise their weaknesses.
- Love is incredibly selfless and focuses on the other instead of self.
- Practice generosity with one another and do so through thoughtfulness.
- Don’t let the sun go down without resolving conflict.
We strongly encourage you to watch both videos listed above. They provide great insight into the questions you need to ask yourself before committing to a lifelong partnership. They also provide great advice on having a godly marriage that is purpose-centred.
“Anyone can find the dirt in someone. Be the one who finds the gold.” – Proverbs 11:27
Devon Franklin and Meagan Good
Devon and Meagan are a couple who have exemplified a godly love in a world (Hollywood) that seems to celebrate the exact opposite of what God desires. The two had known each other for a while but did not get together until God’s timing aligned in their lives. Both made commitments to God, ultimately desiring to be healed from past brokenness, hurt and dysfunction with God at their centre. They individually committed to being celibate until marriage and this decision is the premise of their book entitled ‘The Wait’.
The book details how they knew they’d get married and how they navigated the landmines of dating whilst committing to celibacy. They offer a great deal of tips on this process. Some of the key takeaways we garnered from their book include:
- ‘The Wait’ is about sex, yes, but ultimately it speaks to our relationship with desire as humans. A lot of our addictions, unhealthy habits and co-dependencies stem from trying to fill a God-shaped hole with other things.
- The Wait is more than just about sex. It is about learning patience and waiting on God in all aspects of your life so as not to compromise on the things He has promised for you.
- Waiting allows you to make decisions and choose your partner with a clarity of mind that is vital for a healthy life.
- Being smart about your dating life and interactions is important. Don’t place yourself in compromising positions or try to stop things from going too far when in the heat of the moment.
- The person you are meant to be with will understand and respect your decision to wait. Anyone who doesn’t or tries to break your commitment is not God-sent.
- Men and women view sex very differently. As women, we tend to use it to get the intimacy we desire whilst men use intimacy to get the sex they desire.
‘The Wait’ is a great read. It details Devon and Meagan’s personal journey while offering very practical, biblical principles on godly dating. Find out more here.
“Waiting for sex isn’t easy, but no important decision is ever easy. It’s a sacrifice, but a worthwhile one.” – Devon & Megan, The Wait
Pastor Michael Todd is pastor of ‘Transformation Church’ and has openly admitted to struggling with pornography. It is through his own personal struggles and concern for the church not speaking openly on relationships that he conducted the ultimate 8-part ‘Relationship Goals’ series. This YouTube series seeks to unpack issues around self, relationships, purpose and sex.
Relationship Goals: Part 1:
Here are a few takeaways from his talks:
- Without proper knowledge and guidance from a biblical perspective, we are left fumbling in the dark when it comes to love. That is why so many unhealthy relationships exist.
- Before you find your person, you need to go through a process of self-discovery in God.
- Being single does not mean that you are forsaken or alone. It means that you are unique, special, and set apart. Embrace your singleness and the journey God takes you on during that time.
- Sex is God-given and was created to be enjoyed within the marriage container. This is because God knew the harm it would cause when explored outside of marriage.
- Women and men have different needs. It is important for each partner to know and understand the needs of their partner and cater to them selflessly.
The complete ‘Relationship Goals’ series can be found here:
“You are not unwanted; you are chosen. You are not unloved; you were to die for. You are not alone; you are His.” – Unknown
We hope that these tools will be of value to you in your love relationships. Ultimately, we would like you to know that you can have healthy, joyful and beautiful relationships. God wants that for you. The world we live in is, unfortunately, marred by brokenness. Broken people entering into broken relationships expecting wholeness. The good news is that God wants to and can heal us of our brokenness so we can experience the godly kind of love He desires for us.
Rumbi Dube is an integral part of the bAw Team and a young woman passionate about Africa and it’s people. She is seeking to daily live for God and to encourage other young women like her while doing so.
Let us know if you resonate with some of the principles shared by these “love gurus” and if you believe they can be practically applied in our lives. What else do you believe aids our love lives as we seek Godly relationships that may not have been mentioned here?
Let’s share and grow together!